April, 2017

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April, 2017

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I love my daughter but don’t really trust her – CASE STUDY

My 38 year old daughter is a long-time drug addict, a manipulator, and notably the mom of my 3 year old grandson. My grandson lives with my ex-husband but comes to me regularly for long weekends. My daughter comes here to be with her son under my watchful eye. She is still using and lying about it, and my grandson loves her dearly and needs to see her and be with her. I supervise the visits, though I am certain she would never do harm. Recently we believe she stole from us. My dilemma is not bringing more negative emotions into our environment. I am a kind person and don’t want to be otherwise. Yet her disease is impacting us.

It’s complex. She’s sick. It’s sad. I love my daughter but don’t really trust her. What is the most conscious way I can be around her and communicate with her?

 

 
 

 

Thank you so much for sharing such a big challenge.

Whenever children are involved it feels so much bigger and important. It’s tricky because your daughter is also your child. However

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, she is an adult and the focus really becomes your grandson. Is he at risk physically, mentally, or emotionally? If so, that must be the immediate priority. What I share below are options about how you can interact with your daughter differently once you know your grandson isn’t in any risk.

These thoughts come to me immediately:

  • Being a kind person doesn’t equate to letting your daughter act in ways that are unhealthy for you or your grandson
  • Consistent boundary setting and reinforcing
  • It’s ok not to trust someone who has proven them self untrustworthy
  • Actions are more meaningful than words
  • You said, “I am a kind person and don’t want to be otherwise.” I feel that the definition of “kind” is very important.


    Thanks to dictionary.com for the definition

    You are helping to raise your grandson, that is kindness.
    You are making it possible for your daughter to spend time with your grandson, that is kindness.
    You are reaching out to Eloheim and me to find ways to improve your relationship with your daughter, that’s is kindness.

    YOU ARE KIND


    That doesn’t mean “anything goes” or “take what you want” or “treat me disrespectfully.”

    They are not the same things.
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