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July, 2011

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TOOL TUESDAY: Who Answers the Door?

Today I have the second installment of our new series, TOOL TUESDAY! Follow this link to read the first installment, Candle Wax (Nobody gets your wax).

Today’s tool is one of my favorites.

Who answers the door? The 2011 version of you

A practical example:
The ex-boyfriend is banging on the front door, you go to answer it but you don’t want to talk to him—ask yourself, “Who answers the door?”
Does the four-year-old who’s looking for her daddy’s approval answer the door? Does the 20-year-old who just wants a boyfriend because she doesn’t want to be alone answer the door? Does the 40-year-old who doesn’t want to be divorced answer the door? Or does the you of the now that knows that guy shouldn’t be in your life answer the door? Who answers the door? You decide that.

This tool is empowering because you say, “OK, I’m not bringing the 4-, 20-, or 40-year-old into this. The 2011 version of me knows that I no longer want this guy in my life. The 2011 version of me can say, ‘No’.” The 4-year-old probably wouldn’t be able to say no because the 4-year-old’s still looking for daddy to make it right, and the 20-year-old still feels like she did something wrong, so she’s going to have a hard time saying no, the 40-year-old’s feeling like he might be her last chance at love, so she’s not turning him away.

But in the moment where you bring your high-vibrational self together and you look at that person and you say, “In this moment, with who I am right now, this situation is not OK, and you need to leave. Off you go. The door’s getting locked behind you.” And then you turn the ringer off on the phone and you just sit with the fact that you actually made a decision based on who you are today. That’s where you give yourself the gift of being who you are today and living your life from who you are today, rather than allowing all baggage from the past or projecting into the future.

Using this tool with family members:

A lot of times, when you’re working with biological relatives, the stuff that you’re learning about is the stuff from when you were five. However, now you’re 40 and you’re still doing your five-year-old shit oftentimes from a five-year-old’s perspective. Work on the issue when you’re 40 as a forty-year-old, rather than, “I’m 40 but I’m acting like I’m five, which I’ve been doing for 35 years with my mom.” This gives you a better chance of success, or a different chance of success, of actually learning and growing and becoming more of who you are.

Yes, you can say, “There’s something for me to learn here, but my God, me as a 40-year-old trying to act like an eight-year-old with my mom who is now 70, is not working.” It’s not working and you have the right to say, “I want to learn this some other way.”

This is loving yourself, giving yourself permission to set boundaries across your life. Set the boundaries you need to set in order to give yourself the best chance at learning what it is you desire to learn.

***
Veronica writes:
I remember so clearly the first time Eloheim talked about this tool. I was channeling in a living room facing the front door, so it was very visceral imagining the ex-boyfriend on the other side. I have used this tool time and time again in almost every sort of situation. Definitely one of my favorites.

***
I have used this tool, especially with my birth family members, where it was easy to slip into being a 10-year-old again. I no longer do that. I now respond and create from the person I am in the moment.
—Randy Sue Collins

Tool Tuesday: Candle wax (Nobody gets your wax)

Here is a new offering! Today is Tool Tuesday! Each Tuesday I will provide the complete description of one of Eloheim and The Council’s tools. Today we have “Candle wax (Nobody gets your wax)”

This tool is based in an analogy: You are a candle. You can share your flame—your emanation—but you cannot give away your wax. Never, never, never, never. If you give away your wax, you give away yourself, and who you are is diminished.

If you’re a candle, you can light numerous other candles with your flame, but nobody gets your wax. On some level, we see you energetically very drained because your wax has not been precious to you. That core amount of what you need to make you go. That core amount of attention, of rest, of nourishment, of peace, of quiet, of meditation, of walking, dancing, whatever it is that you know feeds you as a person and keeps you whole. You’ve been letting pieces of those things go to other people because you thought, “Well, if they’re happy, I’ll be happy.” Or, “If they’re happy, at least I won’t be so distracted by their needs.” When the truth is, you’ve gotten yourself drained and you’ll get further drained.

So, you can step back and set boundaries. And boundaries don’t mean: “I don’t love you anymore.” Boundaries mean: “I have to love myself first, so I have extra love to give. I can’t give from this place. I have to give from a whole place.” Because if you keep giving from weakness, eventually you have nothing left. But if you set boundaries, you rejuvenate yourself.

The first step is to set boundaries so that the people you’re giving your wax to don’t get any more. And they usually throw fits, so you have to deal with that. They’ll call you selfish, typically. Or they’ll call you a bitch.

Without being in service mentality, you’re offering something extraordinary. Because you’re not doing it for other people, you’re doing it for yourself and there’s just overflow. It’s the candle. The candle is lit and the flame is giving off light. It gives off light whether you hide it in a closet or you set it on your windowsill. And when you love yourself well, it’s like putting the candle on the windowsill and the people who are driving by see the light as well.

You can give your flame to anyone because it still burns even when you share it with others, but when you start giving your wax away it’s all over.
***

Veronica writes:
This was one of the early tools and it is still very much in use. It is so very easy to get pulled into “service” and siphon off your wax. I know what that feels like and I am not going back there! It is such a joy to focus on emanating my truth and knowing that that is all the “service” I need to do.

***
Habitual response of codependency felt seamless until I heard this tool. My sense of global responsibility burdened me in a way I thought was my identity as a “responsible person.” I felt guilty about not being able to help all women feel safe, for instance. Imagining myself as a being who has limited physical shape (the candle as my body) with unlimited consciousness and intention (the flame), I saw immediately that the love and attention I choose to offer a situation flows from a source that is constantly renewable. When I have used as much of my physical energy to support my intentions as I have available, I must rest without shame. Actually, to rest with relish, enjoying the dreams that replenish insights and creativity.
—Margy Henderson

***
The candle wax tool is very good for me as I have a tendency to go out of my way to help others, sometimes to great lengths. So, the idea of sharing my flame and not my wax made very good sense to me. It’s helping me to be crystal clear on when I may be stepping over the line and when I need to reel it back in.
—Joseph

For more Eloheim and The Council tools, see our book The Choice for Consciousness, Tools for Conscious Living https://www.eloheim.com/dlg/cart/index.php?c=9

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