Guest post from the Life, Heart and Soul blog:
This week I found myself dealing with an old trigger. It hit me unexpectedly, of course, don’t they usually? And though I believed I had worked through this particular trigger a long while ago, something happened last week that made me realize I needed to take a deeper look at it. Apparently, there was an old pain that still resided in me that needed attention. I had no idea it hadn’t left completely.
At first, I didn’t really understand my strong reaction. It wasn’t until I got over the immediately angry emotion the situational trigger evoked that could I objectively examine it, neutrally examine it so I could see it for what it truly was.
This is an old reaction to an old situation that was triggered by a new event. This is not the current me. This is the me who was hurt years ago in several very similar scenarios reacting with old emotions to the new situation. This is not how Current Me would react.
After that big aha, I delved deeper into what the current situation brought up in me. With clear eyes, I could see why I needed to experience this again. Yes, I admit, it took me almost two days to get to that point, but hey, comparing me to me, that’s considerably shorter than my old timeline of days, weeks, months or even years that it used to take just to be able to look objectively at a situation, let alone find a way to clear anything!
What I found was that I was still giving my sense of power away to someone else. I was still waiting for someone else to give me permission to go ahead. I was still waiting for someone else to lead me, to do for me what I can do for myself but have continually allowed others to do instead. So when they slip out of that role, I let myself be disappointed and frustrated. And even though I may really want to do things my way, I don’t because I never want to “overstep” or step on someone else’s feelings. I never want to feel or be judged because I take matters that might affect them into my own hands. It’s what I learned to do to avoid pain over the last fifty-some years. Which didn’t really work, by the way. Apparently, I still am wanting people to like me so I let them make decisions thus relieving me of being the bad guy if it fails. That plan of action always means that I don’t get what I really want. I end up disappointed or frustrated or mad in the long run and in the short run.
Thankfully, I have many tools or I would still be wallowing in my old, familiar suffering. Choose and choose again (choose a different perspective and reaction). Don’t have velcro for that (has nothing to do with me and it’s not mine to claim). I created this and it’s here for me (now what do I learn here?). I’m tempted to…. (say that what I want will never happen and just give up). Not- why is this happening, it’s WOW, this is happening (and holy crap, it sure is). This is happening FOR me (so I can grow). Step by step (one thing/moment at a time). Stay out of outcome (don’t make assumptions about what will happen in the future/tomorrow). They’re just fixing their fears (it’s their fear speaking). Stay present. What is true now (I’m sitting on my couch). What is my truth (I am still doing what I want to do, even though the process may be different than I thought). I could go on, but these are just some of the Eloheim tools I use in my daily life which help me out of my pits of emotion. I would be lost without them these days.
Most appropriately, the one I used this time that cut me short while I was middle of my reaction was, do I want a shovel or a ladder? Obviously, I chose the ladder. I didn’t want to sit in that emotion any longer, I wanted to move on. So I consulted my soul, examined my reaction, talked to someone else who was involved, made new decisions for my own best interest, sent out emails, and finally worked out the situation with the one who triggered it. It’s all good.
My suggestion is to watch out what you think when you run across a trigger like I did. It’s not, oh, I guess I have not grown as much as I thought (or at all) so I suck. Not true. It’s just that these things have layers upon layers upon layers all laid on top of each other. And they come from not only this lifetime but are often dragged into your current one from other lifetimes. The current trigger may be another layer from your past set up to be exposed to the light so you can see it and work with it further. Don’t shy away or be discouraged when a trigger shows up. Look at it as a growth experience. And let yourself grow.
Sometimes it does kinda suck though….until you get through to the other side.
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