Here is a new offering! Today is Tool Tuesday! Each Tuesday I will provide the complete description of one of Eloheim and The Council’s tools. Today we have “Candle wax (Nobody gets your wax)”
This tool is based in an analogy: You are a candle. You can share your flame—your emanation—but you cannot give away your wax. Never, never, never, never. If you give away your wax, you give away yourself, and who you are is diminished.
If you’re a candle, you can light numerous other candles with your flame, but nobody gets your wax. On some level, we see you energetically very drained because your wax has not been precious to you. That core amount of what you need to make you go. That core amount of attention, of rest, of nourishment, of peace, of quiet, of meditation, of walking, dancing, whatever it is that you know feeds you as a person and keeps you whole. You’ve been letting pieces of those things go to other people because you thought, “Well, if they’re happy, I’ll be happy.” Or, “If they’re happy, at least I won’t be so distracted by their needs.” When the truth is, you’ve gotten yourself drained and you’ll get further drained.
So, you can step back and set boundaries. And boundaries don’t mean: “I don’t love you anymore.” Boundaries mean: “I have to love myself first, so I have extra love to give. I can’t give from this place. I have to give from a whole place.” Because if you keep giving from weakness, eventually you have nothing left. But if you set boundaries, you rejuvenate yourself.
The first step is to set boundaries so that the people you’re giving your wax to don’t get any more. And they usually throw fits, so you have to deal with that. They’ll call you selfish, typically. Or they’ll call you a bitch.
Without being in service mentality, you’re offering something extraordinary. Because you’re not doing it for other people, you’re doing it for yourself and there’s just overflow. It’s the candle. The candle is lit and the flame is giving off light. It gives off light whether you hide it in a closet or you set it on your windowsill. And when you love yourself well, it’s like putting the candle on the windowsill and the people who are driving by see the light as well.
You can give your flame to anyone because it still burns even when you share it with others, but when you start giving your wax away it’s all over.
This was one of the early tools and it is still very much in use. It is so very easy to get pulled into “service” and siphon off your wax. I know what that feels like and I am not going back there! It is such a joy to focus on emanating my truth and knowing that that is all the “service” I need to do.
Habitual response of codependency felt seamless until I heard this tool. My sense of global responsibility burdened me in a way I thought was my identity as a “responsible person.” I felt guilty about not being able to help all women feel safe, for instance. Imagining myself as a being who has limited physical shape (the candle as my body) with unlimited consciousness and intention (the flame), I saw immediately that the love and attention I choose to offer a situation flows from a source that is constantly renewable. When I have used as much of my physical energy to support my intentions as I have available, I must rest without shame. Actually, to rest with relish, enjoying the dreams that replenish insights and creativity.
The candle wax tool is very good for me as I have a tendency to go out of my way to help others, sometimes to great lengths. So, the idea of sharing my flame and not my wax made very good sense to me. It’s helping me to be crystal clear on when I may be stepping over the line and when I need to reel it back in.
For more Eloheim and The Council tools, see our book The Choice for Consciousness, Tools for Conscious Living http://www.eloheim.com/dlg/cart/index.php?c=9