Today’s Sharing Sunday is from Hayat Donna Bain. Thank you Hayat for offering your journey to us and for your companionship along the way.

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I began my journey with Eloheim in early 2011, during what was perhaps the most challenging year of my life, a year filled with exhilarating heights and devastating lows. I had attended a weekend workshop on sacred temple making, based on sacred geometry principles, and had met a beautiful light-filled person there who became a friend. We connected on Facebook after the event and one day soon after that, my friend posted an Eloheim video. She had attended a Wednesday night session in person once and had continued to follow Veronica’s work with Eloheim. Right now I can’t tell you anything about that video, except that it grabbed my attention. It led to something I’m sure many of you can relate to. Once I watched that first video, I could feel the power of it and the potential for the transformation I was seeking. I wanted MORE! I was on an insatiable quest to learn more about myself, about the true nature of life, and about how to raise consciousness. I immediately thought that these were the most down-to-earth teachings I’d ever encountered and they came from a disincarnate being! I watched as many videos as I could and gobbled up as much as I could from the website.

As time went on, I purchased books and began to listen to the Wednesday night channeling sessions and participated in the online Q & A sessions and recorded public sessions as they were offered. In preparation for writing about my journey with Eloheim and Veronica, I looked back through my journals and notes I took related to my private sessions and to the public sessions. I had my Core Emotion session on 10/14/2011. It was an incredibly difficult time in my life for many reasons. My husband had lost his job a year before and I was working part-time.

We were both having a challenging time getting fully employed. When our townhouse lease was up that August, we had put all of our belongings in storage and had accepted an offer from a friend and her family to stay with them for a couple of months while we continued to look for work and a more permanent and sustainable place to live. We had used up our savings and modest retirement account during the period of unemployment and were essentially “homeless” and accepting government food assistance. (What an opportunity to be in Level 2 – Victimhood!) I was living in fear and definitely NOT comfortable with uncertainty – especially not as it related to our living situation…my survival instinct was completely triggered!

My unhealed core emotion is “When I put myself first/take care of myself/shine my light/live my truth…I can’t predict how others might be affected or might respond. Therefore it’s too risky to take care of myself and fully be me.”

My healed core emotion is “When I put myself first/take care of myself/shine my light/live my truth…I know I’m giving all I have to give to the world, the truth of me.”

My core emotion session really helped me focus a spotlight on what was underlying so many of the challenges I was facing. Since that core emotion session I’ve had a number of private sessions and have participated in as many opportunities to connect with Eloheim, the Council, Veronica and our community as possible, including the first 3 of the Sonoma retreats. Last year, I very much wanted to attend but came to the conclusion that I needed to prioritize some other things to take care of myself and my family, and other events I’d committed to, and not push my way into making it happen financially, which I felt I had done the previous year. So I let go of participating for that year.

I highly recommend participating in any of the retreats offered as they are an opportunity for a powerful surge in spiritual growth and clarity around one’s trajectory and how to take action from a conscious, centered and authentic place. And of course the retreats are a huge opportunity for connecting with our beautiful Eloheim family! My participation led to the blossoming of real friendship with some in our online community and to an ever deepening sense of mutual support for each other’s journeys. This year I very much want to attend, and am open to the possibilities of how that could happen. We are putting our house on the market soon and selling it is one way that it would be possible for me to afford to make the trip from Virginia once again.

I have learned much from many spiritual teachers and guides, but with Eloheim’s teachings and tools I can feel the emphasis on grounded action that comes from a conscious, heart-mind integrated, awareness-led place. And the Council has added dimensions to the teachings that feel like facets of a crystal. As I turn the tools and teachings over inside myself, and experience them through the prism of each Council member’s perspective, I gain clarity and see how it is that I can embody what I’ve learned in order to bring more of the truth of me into the light.

I was just thinking about each time I sat with Eloheim during the Sonoma retreats. During the last retreat I attended, in 2014, we discussed a couple of things that were huge. One was an issue that I didn’t fully understand until a month or two after the retreat. Eloheim sent me away from the retreat to excavate what was going on for me under the surface. I really didn’t know. As I worked within myself, I uncovered that I was still dealing with a deeply buried sense of unworthiness and as I think Eloheim or perhaps a Council member (maybe The Girls?) has termed it – “I suckage”. That’s squarely in “don’t be mean to yourself” territory! They also said something about an image of me trying to pull open the petals of a flower…the flower being me….rather than allowing the truth and beauty of the essence of me blossom and unfurl organically and naturally from within. All of this relates to my core emotion, of course!

I’ve come a long way with all of this and the journey continues and deepens daily. I have been working with and integrating these particular issues and teachings pretty intensely ever since. Whenever I work with Eloheim directly (or even with just the tools and teachings) I know that there will be the practical tips and suggestions, and there will be the deeper learnings and healings, and then there will be the REALLY deep excavating, learning and healing, which sometimes doesn’t bear fruit for months or years after the session.

I am often not one to have a sudden, earth shaking moment of realization or breakthrough. Perhaps you can relate. These things usually dawn on my consciousness gradually. The breakthroughs are no less momentous, but sometimes it feels less so because the transformation happens little by little over time. So I use the tool “Compare me-to-me” and look at how I have handled situations in the past as compared with now. And there is no doubt that I have been growing and transforming! Many things that used to trigger me don’t anymore and so I am spending much more time in either neutral observation or in fascination as life moves around and through me.

This brings me to the topic of my website. If ever there was a vehicle for self-examination and self-expression, this is it! At times I’ve been tempted to be mean to myself about various aspects of the journey to create a website which is really an expression or extension of ME. I went from wanting to have a website for my fledgling business, Mandalas of Life, to “50th Stepping” and being stuck in Level 3 in the “Levels of Creating” (“I create my reality and I don’t like what I’ve created”) and in favorite familiar suffering (FFS) to…..choosing a domain name, a template, a logo and the information and images I want online. When I look at my core emotion that relates to not being able to fully be me in the world if I can’t predict others’ responses or how my being me will affect them, it’s not a big leap to understanding why creating a website and really putting all of me out there in the world would have been challenging for me!

In nearly every interview they’ve given during the past few months, Eloheim spoke about “creating a website” as an example of something that many people they talk to want to do. I felt like they were talking directly to me each time! Among other things, they spoke about approaching such projects in a step-by-step way, rather than focusing on the grander vision of the 50th step. It’s been such an “easy” yet hugely painful thing to just stay “out there” in the future on that 50th step, and then go into the well worn FFS patterns of confusion or self-doubt or self-recrimination…rather than focusing on the actionable minutiae of the 1st, 2nd, 3rd, etc. steps, one at a time, to actually create something.

During the past year or so while I was intending to have a website but wasn’t actually taking concrete steps to create one most of the time, I kept the “Leaving Level 3” card (from the “Levels of Creating” card deck that Veronica offers) within view on my desk.

It was a helpful reminder that if I felt tempted to go into Level 3 or (as little as possible) found myself squarely in it, there were tools I could use to minimize any static I might create. Some of the < a href=""> tools I haven’t mentioned yet and that I’ve used a lot in this process are the following:

• What is true now?
• You can’t have change without change and repeating to myself, “I am willing for this to change.”
• Billboard: What would I prefer to put on my energetic billboard if the current situation weren’t occupying the space?
• What film do I have in my camera?
• Which version of me answers the door/handles this situation?
• How would I describe this situation neutrally, and in short factual statements?
• Hamster wheel mind: Breaking up the pieces of the hamster wheel (my thoughts) and laying them out to explore individually.
• Everything is happening FOR me and it’s all my first choice.

So….I have now taken LOTS of little steps and my website will very soon be ready for public viewing! It is a work in progress. One of the steps I had to take was paring down my idea of what “create a website” meant. I began with my recovering perfectionist’s idea of a “website” as being one with gorgeous graphics and multiple pages, tabbed from the homepage. One for each aspect of my work. I finally heard the message from Eloheim and others that the essential thing was to simply put something up online. I can return and build on the basic page later, as things evolve for me with my business.

After April 5th, go to to see the beginning of my web presence for Mandalas of Life!! This is a huge step for me!

One of the opportunities that has arisen for me lately is that I’m one of about 20 people to be featured in a free online summit for the “Living the Miracle” network. That invitation had a part in spurring me on to create a webpage. I have provided some musical tracks of both interpreted composed music and improvised music for downloadable bonus material that is meant to support the Summit participant in his or her journey of transformation. Once we know the date the Summit will launch

, I will let you all know. I’d love your support and to offer whatever I can by way of supporting your journey as well.

Currently in my journey with Eloheim I’m becoming ever more conscious of being an energetic leader as I move through life. I’m noticing where I tell stories and use labeling to contract and limit myself. I’m becoming more aware of subtle forms of being in victimhood. I’m exploring and integrating what I’m learning from Eloheim about the relationship between the body, the personality and the awareness or soul. I’m accepting and loving the authentic ME in all of her ways of being and expressing, “warts and all”. And I’m weaving Eloheim tools and teachings into my work with individuals and groups. This is happening without even trying as I have been gradually living into and embodying the material. Some of it is just bound to bubble up and flow outward!

I feel so grateful for your companionship on this journey we are all taking together. And thank you, Veronica for your energetic leadership, your fierce vulnerability, your generosity and your courage…and so much more!

It’s wonderful to see how you have been able to integrate Eloheim’s teaching into your life!