Before the meeting of 2-18-09 three interesting things occurred:
1. I forgot to plug in the laptop, so we don’t have video of the first 30 minutes or so. Managing electronics while in an altered state is a tricky proposition!
2. I requested that Eloheim summarize their teachings about fear.
3. I told a story.
The story was about my recent encounter with a police officer. I have been driving for about 26 years and had never been pulled over for a moving violation.
The experience continues to teach me quite a lot!
The officer was tucked in at a four-way stop keeping an eye out for folks running the sign. I saw the officer and actually thought, “Wow, he is looking for people to pull over for running the stop sign.” When he quickly pulled in behind me I thought, “He must have somewhere to go.” When he put on his red light I thought, “He must need me to get out of his way!”
By this time my heart was racing and my body felt so strange. I didn’t have a clue what he wanted or why he had pulled me over. I didn’t know what one does in this situation AND, I kept remembering that Eloheim had used the example of getting pulled over as an example of how to deal with fear.
So, I watched my fear as best I could. It was on the brink of being emotionally overwhelming. However, I really knew that this feeling had a lot to do with my core emotion (everyone has one and mine is ‘fear of being kicked out of the tribe’). I kept watching it and tried to also keep my wits about me.
The conversation with the officer seemed to go on forever, but it was probably only a few minutes. He said that I ran the stop sign. I said that I knew the stop sign was there, felt that I had stopped, and that I had seen him watching the intersection so it is unlikely I would have ran a monitored stop sign.
Then he said the first very interesting thing (I am paraphrasing), “it is strange that we could have such different views on the same event.” Ah, I loved that comment! That put me into a more conscious place immediately. I didn’t find it strange at all. I thought that was the bit that made more sense then anything else that was happening!
You see, I was talking on my cell phone while I was driving. It is legal to talk on your cell hands free in California, but I still felt strange about doing it. Plus, I was leaving a message for a friend who I was ‘worried’ about. I WAS IN LOW VIBRATION.
I feel that I attracted the officer’s attention with my low vibrational state. He saw it as running the stop sign. I saw it as being less than fully conscious of what I was doing.
Once I got that big Aha, things shifted somewhat. I could feel the fear voice saying things like, “this is going to cost you money, you are going to have to go to a class, etc.” But, I knew that it wasn’t about money or time, it was about this moment. So, I focused on what what actually happening right now.
I was able to keep money/time fears at a minimum. The overwhelming adrenaline is another story completely though. Wow, the body response in this situation was so intense!
At some point during our conversation, I heard the small voice say, ‘make the request.’ I asked the officer if he could give me a warning. He then said the second most interesting thing of the conversation, he said, ‘How can I give you a warning for something you don’t think you did?’ I LOVED THAT RESPONSE! It was so conscious.
I replied that I would consider this driver’s training 25 years later and I promised to be more conscious about stopping fully at stop signs.
He said, OK, and let me go with a warning.
Whew! Shortly thereafter my cell phone rang. After stopping the car (!) I answered. It was a good friend saying, “My husband just saw you get pulled over on the plaza and I want to make sure you are ok. I am hosting a meeting at my house in five minutes, but I knew I had to call right away!”
Which goes to show:
1. Sonoma is a small town.
2. I have great friends.
3. I didn’t get kicked out of the tribe! (ah, the healing of the core emotion, such a powerful process)
The residual processing of the body’s reaction to this was much more difficult to process than the actual experience. I was in a lot of discomfort for the remainder of the evening. It has taught me so much that I am actually grateful for it now, but WOW was it hard at the time.
Audio recordings of the four meetings held in February, 2009